Breathing New Life: How Parents Can Use Deep Breathing to Manage Family Stress

About ten years ago, I had the worst migraines of my life. I'd spend days in my room, curtains drawn to block out all the light, lying in bed in tears. Thank goodness my mom was near to help. Between the stabbing pain and nausea, I was not able to be upright for more than a few minutes at a time, let alone do much for my children.

One day, my mom took me to a nearby urgent care. I received an injection of some powerful pain meds and two referrals; one for a CT scan and one for a counselor.

I just knew I had a brain tumor. Nothing short of a life-threatening growth could cause the amount of pain that I was in. I believed the scan would confirm this. But this was pre-Obama care and I wasn't insured. I couldn't afford to pay for the scan out of pocket. Counseling was a (slightly) cheaper option so I went there first.

I met with the therapist and started to tell her all of my problems. My 2nd father died. My cousin died. My son never slept and was wildin' out in preschool. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't work. I was stressed about money. And now I had a brain tumor.

I expected more referrals. To whoever fixes broken brains. Or drugs. Painkillers. Tumor shrinking drugs. Something. Instead, my therapist taught me how to do the 4-7-8 breathing method.

The 4-7-8 breathing method was popularized by Dr. Andrew Weil. Dr. Weil is an advocate for alternative medicine and the founder of the University of Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine. He believes 4-7-8 breathing reduces anxiety and improves sleep. And my therapist believed that was what I needed.

More Than Just Breathing

"I'M DYING AND SHE WANTS ME TO BREATHE?!" This is what I wanted to scream in my therapist's office. Instead, I simply said, "But I breathe all the time." She told me that I was overwhelmed and needed to calm my nervous system down. Special types of breathing can calm a stressed-out nervous system.

What is Stress?

Stress occurs when the body needs to adapt to a change. The stress can be commonplace such as misplacing your keys in the mornings. It may be major such as adjusting to life following the birth of a child. And it may be anything in between like that dreaded call from your child's teacher. In any case, the body releases hormones in response to the stressors.

Does Deep Breathing Help?

When stress is dealt with quickly, the body's relaxation response helps with recovery. But when stress is ongoing, it is more difficult to recover from the flood of stress hormones. Breathing deeply promotes the body's relaxation response.

Studies show that deep, rhythmic breathing techniques, such as the 4-7-8 method, are associated with:

reduced anxiety
lower blood pressure
increased ability to manage stress
improved migraine symptoms
reduced aggression
improved focus
better sleep

Deep Breathing Techniques

Research has shown the benefits of deep breathing. They are, however, not suitable for everyone. Not all bodies have the same response or needs. Please consult a health professional and pay attention to your own body when choosing a stress relief exercise. If and when you are able, here are some techniques to try.

4-7-8 Breathing

Follow these steps:

sit in a comfortable position
empty your lungs by breathing out completely
breathe in through your nose for four seconds
hold your breath for seven seconds
breathe out through your mouth for eight seconds
repeat this cycle up to four times

Dr. Weil recommends using this technique at least two times a day. My counselor recommended that I also use this technique when I noticed anxious thoughts or the early stages of a migraine.

Abdominal Breathing

Follow these steps:

sit or lie on your back
place one hand on your upper chest and the other hand below your rib cage on your stomach
breathe in slowly through your nose noticing your stomach rise as you inhale
exhale slowly through pursed lips noticing your stomach fall inward
your chest should remain mostly still

4 Square Breathing

Follow these steps:

empty your lungs by breathing out completely
inhale for four counts
hold for four counts
exhale for four counts
hold for four counts
repeat

Deep Breathing for Children

Children are affected by parental and family stress. When grief, stress, and migraines interfered with my ability to parent, my son's behavior changed. After a while, I taught my son how to do deep breathing so we could calm our nervous systems down together. Here are some exercises to try with children.

Birthday Candle

imagine a candle on a birthday cake
inhale through the nose
imagine blowing out the candle while exhaling through the mouth

Smell the Flowers

imagine smelling a flower while inhaling through the nose
exhale through the mouth

Snake Breathing

inhale slowly through the nose
exhale slowly through the mouth while making a hissing sound

Breathing New Life

I did not have a brain tumor. Turns out, I'm not really qualified to make that kind of diagnosis. I was, however, eventually diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and chronic migraines.

Learning deep breathing changed my life. I noticed less pain and increased ability to cope with stress. Though it was not a miracle cure, I was better able to focus on other aspects of getting well. My son and I continue to use breathing to manage stress, anxiety, and headaches.

What about you? Have you tried deep breathing to manage stress? Have you taught it to your children? Let me know in the comments below.

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Categories: : Family Wellness