When Tragedy Strikes: How to Cope in the Aftermath of Violence

Whether we wanted to know or not, we do. We've seen the news, the tweets, the pictures, and the memorials. We've seen the pained expressions of the survivors. We've seen our own pained expressions in bathroom mirrors staring back at us in disbelief.

Over 30 people died in mass shootings in ten days. And those were just the highly publicized events. Violent acts have claimed more lives than I'm able to list here.

Each loss of life sends ripples of grief through our communities, families, and bodies. This grief is felt even when we seemingly have no direct relationship with the cities and individuals harmed. Our humanness links us. We are wired for empathy.

Neuroscientists have discovered that the brain has circuits dedicated to empathy. Mirror neurons fire in our brains when we witness another person experiencing something. The mirror neurons help us understand what the person is going through by enabling us to feel as if we were the ones having the experience.

Empathy is a beneficial trait as it helps us connect to and understand others. In our hyperconnected society, we can bond quickly with people despite great distances. We are also quickly and repeatedly exposed to often graphic images of trauma throughout the world. This trauma can feel like it's our own.

Trauma

According to the American Psychological Association trauma is "an emotional response to a horrible event." When faced with deeply distressing events, our nervous systems can become overwhelmed weakening the ability to cope. Accidents, child abuse, natural disasters, and violent attacks like mass shootings are examples of traumatic events. This is not an all-inclusive list, however. Events affect individuals differently.

Secondary Trauma

Secondary trauma refers to indirect trauma that occurs when we are exposed to stories and images of disturbing events that have happened to others. Secondary trauma can occur when we watch frightening news reports or television shows, hear graphic details of traumatic events, or see gruesome images on our social media feeds. Because we're wired to feel what others feel, repeated exposure has a negative impact and can lead to the development of trauma responses.

The Effects of Trauma

Immediate responses to traumatic events may include shock and denial; two characteristics of grief. Longer-term reactions include:

unpredictable emotions
sadness
anger
outbursts
fear
shame
nightmares
relationship conflicts

Physical effects of trauma include:

nausea
dizziness
headaches
sleep disturbances
digestive problems

When the effects of trauma persist, they may lead to:

depression
anxiety
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
substance use disorders

Children and Trauma

The effects of trauma often show up differently in children. The picture below lists behaviors and symptoms that are common to children.

How to Cope

Violent, traumatic events disrupt our sense of safety and order. There are things parents and caregivers can do to calm an overwhelmed nervous system and promote family resilience.

Coping Skills for Parents

Take care of your physical needs. Be sure to eat, sleep, and exercise as close to your normal routine as possible.
Notice your own emotions. Take time to become aware of and be patient with your feelings.
Unplug. Take breaks from the news coverage and try to avoid doom scrolling.
Keep in contact with your support system. Surround yourself (in person or virtually) with people who lift your spirits.
Practice mindfulness. Meditation, deep breathing and yoga counteract symptoms of traumatic stress.
Seek help. Therapy, support groups, and crisis lines provide additional support.

Strategies to Help Children

Be a source of security. Provide additional attention, comfort, and affection. Keep routines as predictable as possible.
Watch for changes in behavior. Children may display behaviors they had previously outgrown. There may be changes in mood, appetite, and sleep.
Encourage outdoor play. Physical activity and exposure to nature can lower stress responses.
Set age-appropriate limits. Monitor exposure to media and adult conversations.
Seek help. Therapy and trauma-informed parent coaching can provide additional strategies.

Our families and communities have experienced personal and public tragedies far too often. Taking time to care for ourselves afterward will help us process the trauma. It is my hope that we may become well enough, hopeful enough, and focused enough to find solutions that will better protect us all.

Categories: : Family Wellness